So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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