I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
