Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
