ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
