My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
