When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
