at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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