and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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