Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
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