you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
