i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
