Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
