wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
