forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Randomize
