I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
