Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I have peed in a lot of sinks
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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