At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Randomize
