If i need to get strippers involved i will.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
