you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
as a side note pls kill me
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