Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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