i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize