Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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