What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
