I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
