I wish my penis had an off switch
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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