Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
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And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
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It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
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