Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
