I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
