chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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