You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
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