did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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