I just pynch a tree in the face
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
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