Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
