halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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