I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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