So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
