What a fucking waste of an outfit
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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