i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
