Hey man sorry I got all grabby
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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