fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
