Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
