bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Randomize
