I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
