Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
You brought string cheese to the strip club
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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