On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
