I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Randomize
