The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Randomize
