just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Randomize
