And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
