How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
