We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
