you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
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while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
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But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
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