There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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