You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
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