Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I'm passing your future prison.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
