if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
