dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
