Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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