What did we do last night that was yellow?
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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