it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize