Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
